Be Angry But Keep A Lid On It

It was Christmas season, and we’d been a family for about three or four years… Always before, our youngest, we’ll call him “Sport,” had loved holiday decorations in the yard. We had this big, lighted, blow up thing that he loved to plug in before I got home each day. But he was a teenager now… and the blow up thing had long since died.

Now, please realize that it helps to have some knowledge about child/ human development. Teenagers probably aren’t just suddenly sullen and seemingly “lazy” for no reason. Your formerly sweet 10-year-old doesn’t just decide to become a cranky, angry 14-year-old to make your life hard. Kids that age are growing and changing in a number of ways, physically and more. Their energy level is low, and they will often feel bad – almost like a mild case of the flu. So, try to give them a break if they sleep more or seem sluggish or grumpy.

But here I was the happy stepdad with a big bundle of lights to arrange on the front lawn shrubbery, but there was no happy boy to help me and have a bonding, family Christmas moment; I was on my own… When I had asked him to help me, he had just given me a look as if I had asked him to come pick up dog poop out of the yard. So I went outside alone and quickly made some zig zags of lights on the shrubs, plugged them in, and called it good.

Days later, Sport’s natural dad had just dropped him off from a visit, and he stayed outside for a while… Finally, I went to the window to see if he was just shooting baskets again, or what. But he was out rearranging the shrubbery lights.

I went outside to see what was up. Sport: “…dad said the lights were messy.”

If I had been a cartoon, black smoke would have been coming out of my ears, my face red, and my head would have exploded. “SO, YOU CAN’T HELP ME, BUT LET ‘DAD’ RUN DOWN OUR YARD, AND YOU ARE OUT HERE ‘FIXING’ THEM?!!!” Boy did I want to give my unfiltered, unmoderated, opinion of that! But to my credit, I kept quiet, went in the house, complained privately to Libby, and stayed in the bedroom for a while. (A few days later, when Sport was at school, I went out and RE-REarranged the lights which made me feel a little better…)

Could I have said something? Yeah. Should I have, and upset the peace of our home and further strained things between my young stepson, his dad, and me? Over nothing of consequence? No way. We can learn to control our anger. And in doing so, we can become a Better Dad.