Another Benefit of Family

Some scholars believe that one of the main benefits of marriage is personal growth—especially personal growth in becoming more selfless – that’s SELF-Less, the opposite of selfish. I’d take the thought further to say that marriage brings out any leftover selfishness a person may not be aware of, and having children brings out the rest!

As a stepdad, I hated it that the term stepparent most often brought to mind the descriptive term “wicked,” as in Disney movies with a “wicked stepmother.” But I think it just acknowledges that the dynamic in a home where someone is raising a youngster that is not their biological own, can often be problematic. Everything is just somewhat different and calls for more wisdom, information, support and grace.

I don’t think step parenting is completely different from “regular” parenting, but there are important differences. You might think of being married as helping you become more selfless and others-minded as step one, then having children, step two, brings up and pushes out any remaining selfishness, and stepparenting is just in reality maybe a “two B.”

I’m ridiculously thankful that early on as a stepdad, I was introduced to books like “The Smart Stepfamily,” and “The Smart Stepdad” by author and family counselor, Ron Deal. That body of information was just a game changer for me. In it, and at the conferences and in the DVD small group curriculum now available – Google it – you learn wise practices like “Never speaking a negative WORD about the stepkids’ natural parent!” Just don’t do it… IF there is something negative to understand, the kids will one day understand it on their own. The ONLY thing that will happen if you bring any of it up is that they will resent YOU. There is so much more to all that… Just look into the books if you have a stepchild, step grandchild, or you are single and might one day marry someone with a child, or you know a stepparent; OK, pretty much everybody needs this info!

But back to personal grown and becoming a better version of you. Whether you are a stepdad, natural dad, both – it happens – parenting helps us learn to think of ourselves less and to put others, in this case, a child or young person, ahead of our wants and desires. And that is normally always good to do. It pays off in the long run. Trust that.

Learn to be more selfless in your marriage, then let being a Better dad or stepdad do the rest. More power to you